FUCK THIS.
i really dont know what to do, im so lost i just want to curl up in a ball and have a good cry. then have him call me right after and have things go back to normal.
i feel like he never wants to see me. like he could take or leave hanging out with me.
what happened to how we were before break and like the day we got back? i dont fuckin get it.
i cant believe i hooked up with luke. why did i do that? its my fault he doesnt trust me. which totally sucks. i just want to be with him. i want nothing more. i want to be able to hang out with him and not feel like im tagging along.
i dont know what fucking signals hes sending me.
i told him to tell me if he wanted space, but apparently he doesnt. he told me not to take it personally if he seemed distant, but its hard not to if hes only acting that way towards me and he still wants to see other people.
he only wants me when he cant fuckin have me. and i cant pull that shit off. its impossible for me to play hard to get this late in the game. do i call him today? do i wait for him to call me knowing that he wont? or maybe he will... who fuckin knows.
i dont know how much more time i can give him. i feel like hes had too much leeway from me already. but i guess he deserves it after what i did to him.
i really really like him. i really feel like we could last a long time. something is telling me not to let him go.
its 9 am. what am i going to do all day?
i will call him when i want. which is like now. i wont call him now though. mostly cuz its 9 am.
i hate being insecure like this. this is the only shit i ever get insecure about; feeling like im not wanted around because people dont call me and i have to call them. its more than that though, i feel like when i am around, he could take me or leave me being there.
i understand that he has his days, but why do they only apply to me? thats bullshit.
should i bring this up? i dont know how much longer i can do this.
mike, i really fuckin like you.
you will never find a girl as good as me, that you can trust, who will never ever screw you over like those other girls did.
"There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up"
"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life."
-oscar wilde

last wave ..... next sandcastle